Oh no, not I, I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
And I've got all my love to give and I'll survive
I will survive, hey, hey
Gloria Gaynor
Song Writer Dino Fekaris / Frederick J. Perren
Inspiration
I started this month in trepidation. It is the first year anniversary of the publication of Where Have Come, what should have been a celebration has turned into a time reflecting on what type of society I want to live in.
The date we lost our son is also the date for International Women's Day. He is the inspiration for who I am and what I do now. I believe he has shaped who we are, as a couple, as a family, as parents and most importantly as human beings. I believe we are better people because he came into our life. The Gloria Gaynor song signifies that, the ability for all of us to pick ourselves up and carry on.
Resilience
For IWD, I raised my voice by pledging to amplify voices. It’s about the women who have inspired me, the grandmothers and mothers. Women who show strength and resilience throughout their life. The DNA that runs through me. I have grown through adversity, just like my grandmother and mother did as they moved from one continent to another and moved again to the UK.
IWD pledge below:
The people who inspire me are the women from the Indian subcontinent who left their homeland for a life in East Africa, like my mother and mother-in-law and the many twice migrant women, and on behalf of women and girls across the world I am pledging to amplify their voices.
Panel Discussion with Natasha Junejo, Dr Tina Mistry and Saz Vora for IWD
Amplification
To continue on with my pledge, I took part in Conquering Grief and Hidden Histories (link). You can watch a recording on the South Asian Heritage Month Facebook Page The aim was to start a discussion not only on grief but other mental health issues the South Asian community avoid. Historically, many from the South Asian diaspora have had to cope with tragedy and trauma. This experience has resulted in coping mechanisms, dismissing the loss, inability to discuss feelings, and a lack of empathy for those that do. Thanks to people like Dr Tina Mistry and many others, people from the SA community are seeking help, choosing to challenge, raising their voice. Tina is also looking for your story of motherhood: if you have one or know of someone who does, please contact them through An other Mother Story (link)
Celebration for Mothers
Last weekend we celebrated Mother’s Day, or Mothering Sunday, a time to visit families and lavish gifts and attention on our mothers. The year I became a mother, Mothering Sunday fell at the end of March. I was a mother, but we’d lost our son. And I was unmothered, back to being a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt.
This year instead of waking up to how people were celebrating in lockdown, with virtual lunches and zoom calls, I woke up to news of arrests at a vigil, a gathering of women and men who came to pay tribute to Sarah Everard. A woman who went missing as she walked home, she wore bright clothing; she phoned to tell people where she was. She took all the right precautions, except she was a lone woman out at night. There was an uproar, loud voices on how 50% of the population feel threatened, feel they do not have a voice, feel they have no protection from the law. When will men understand the choices women have to make in their daily lives to keep themselves safe?
Weeks before Sarah went missing, I read a post on social media. A concerned parent posted a photo of two men who had pestered and harassed two young girls on a train, wanting addresses, names, following them as they got off the train. A totally uncomfortable experience for the girls.
The photograph appeared to warn women and to shame the men, and as always someone commented. ‘They can’t have been that scared because they took a picture.’ All parents tell their daughters of stranger danger. Keep your head down, don’t smile, cover up, if he is persistent, pretend you're taking a selfie and take a picture. Just in case he follows you. Just in case you need evidence. Why is it that no-one on the train carriage stopped them? Why is it that the men felt it was all right to pester teenage girls, when they were much older? If we don’t challenge harassment in public places, nothing will change. So use this year’s International Women’s Day hashtag
#choosetochallenge.
Challenge inappropriate behaviour.
Challenge inequality.
Challenge gender bias.
Challenge injustices.
Visit my YouTube and subscribe for readings, who and what inspires me.
Character Development - Finding your Muse
Muse, I don’t mean the rock band from Devon, but the greek word Muse the inspirational goddess of literature, science and arts, collectively known as the Muses.
For characters to be relatable and likeable, they need to come from a place that you can own. The old adage write from a place you know is very applicable here. Why create someone you know nothing about? An enormous source for character development for me is watching film and television. I collect imagery of actors, singers, models, settings, houses, clothes, anything that will make character sketching easier. I create Pinterest boards to get my creativity flowing. So here is a look at my muses for my My Heart Sings Your Song and Where Have We Come.
Reena Solanki
Reena was easy. She looks like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s; she dresses like her; she has long hair and when she wears it up it’s like hers. She’s quirky, who wears clothes from the sixties in the eighties? When she wears her Indian clothes, there are flashes of Mumtaz.
Pushpa Raja
Then I found Pushpa, Nikesh’s mother. At the time I wasn’t sure if she’d feature heavily in my book, but again a muse to explore. That muse is Sharmila Tagore. If you’ve watched Amar Prem, you’ll know what I mean. I am enamoured with the way Rajesh Khanna called her name, and so she became Nikesh’s mother.
Nikesh Raja
Nikesh came later, a memory of Nigel Havers in his younger days, the same face, the same way his hair lifted up and fell from a deep parting on his left.
The visuals become a full page description of the characters, a page on what they wear, how they walk, what music they listen to, some of their mannerisms. I read some authors spend little time on description, leaving the reader to use their imaginations, but my description is part of my world building.
There’s lots of advice on dos and don’t on description, but it’s your story, find what makes you comfortable.
Besides, this character building and description writing can also be another way to ease the dreaded writer’s block.